Monday, July 7, 2008


I'm backtracking a little, and reminding everyone why it's important to celebrate the American Dream. America is a great, greedy country, and I'll be damned if I don't celebrate its independence every year. This year, this is what I was celebrating and why.

Why? Because it's good.

Because we're overpopulated and it's forcing me to learn more Spanish than I ever intended on.

Even though we haven't been in the playoffs let alone won a Cup for years, this is MY sports team goddammit. While it is a Canadian sport, it's a Los Angeles team. Los Angeles is in America. (but just barely)

If you hate Disneyland you can delete yourself from my life. BAI!. Disneyland rules. Who doesn't love a little fantasy in their lives? I know I do. I can go from being in NOLA to being in Tomorrowland in like, 10 minutes flat. Take all my money please, Disney franchise.

I don't need to tell you why I'm celebrating these three albums, you should already know. And if you don't know, you better ask somebody. Or purchase them. just sayin'. Also, throw Cro-Mags "Age Of Quarrel" into the mix. I was just too lazy to find the cover and upload it.

Food with Integrity? Fuck yeah, I wanna eat food with Integrity. Anyway, Chipotle rules. Whoever god is, he better bless Colorado for having the first Chipotle.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

This Is Why I Suck.

On the 4th of July, about 20 minutes before my store was closing, a dude named Eddie came in and struck up a conversation with Monique and myself. He asked for my number and cause I'm a sucker for a half latino dude, I gave it to him. He texted me later on with what might be the worst thing ever:

The word "conversate". As in "I just wanna get food and conversate wit you." (no 'H' on 'with')
I took the liberty of looking up the definition for this word on a very reliable source known as It says:

1. conversate

A word used by backwards, ignorant, illiterate inner city trash who mean to say 'converse'.
"Yo, I just needs to conversate witcha!"

To which I replied, "No, you need to _converse_ with me, you dumb shit-eating fuckhead!"


I tried my damndest to ignore this kid. There is absolutely no way I am hanging out with him based on this alone. Granted I might not be the smartest ever, but I am fully well aware how to speak properly. Between last night and this morning, he called me 8 times. I answered one time (the first time). Wild. Along with cute must come brains.

Today, I made a vow to myself that I won't give out my number unless the dude asking for it likes and can tell me about the Cro-Mags. NO CRO-MAGS, NO WAY.

Sucks for me, because an hour before closing, a dude came in and while conversating (-_-) with me, I mentioned the Cro-Mags. He was into it, as well as other hardcore bands I like. Except this time, he gave me his number.

Forever fucked.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


I have horrible taste in men and I am aware of this. Come along on a journey with me to showcase my current celeb crushes while I ramble about them in little blurbs. I am so gay.

David Beckham is so handsome. He is everything I could want in a man, sans deep manly vocal capabilities. Tall, fancy looking, shaved head and lots of tattoos. The only thing that really gets me is that when he has hair, he has some stupid mohawk or a variation of. Please, Becks. just keep your head shaved. You are so much more hunkier that way. I would.

Ah, James Bond aka Daniel Craig. You are most definitely old enough to be my dad, but god damn if you aren't a dilf. I would definitely let you fall in love with me. You know you're handsome.

Channing Tatum. You're gay and can dance well. But you're really good looking and that sucks. Another thing that sucks is that you do horrible movies. Plz ungay yourself. Thanks you.

Sean Avery. You were my fave rave on the LA Kings but you've betrayed me and gone onto a NY sports team. Now, I don't like NY sports teams, never have. But for you, I will like any team. You are strapping. And you pick fights for no reason. And you have a cute facial scar that adds so much character to your freckley face. Thank you for being you, Puppy.

Henry Rollins. You too are old enough to be my dad. But I would let you talk down to me for reading Harry Potter. I don't even read Harry Potter but I would tell you I did anyway. You are a hulkomatic and I like that. Smack me around a little. It's good for me.

Would most definitely party hard with Andrew WK. I would wear white pants and punch myself in the face with AWK. He is the party, and so am I. Rain or shine, we will party together. Peep that smile...who would have ever through that AWK would get on a girl's babe list? He's the odd man out.

I don't wanna catch you in the chinchilla all through the winter, man. But make my whistle blow. Juelz Santana is definitely what my game's been missin'. Just sayin'.