Wednesday, August 20, 2008

for all the boys in the world.

i was reading my friend stafford's blog, and saw that he did a recap of every girl he ever liked from l-12. i decided i was going to rip him off, so i had to actually sit here and rack my brain for all the idiots who have infiltrated my life. i'm a winner.

k- i hung out with these two kids, chase and marvin. they were both black. they worshipped mc hammer, and i thought they were so cool cus they could dance. i got caught "playing doctor" with them both in a playhouse at my school. the teachers called my parents, i got in trouble. thus began a long, awesome road of chastity and prudeness. i also kissed two black dudes. u mad.

1- i was still kind of cute in 1st grade, but i wore bike shorts and oversized boxy hand-me-down tshirts. no boy was ever gonna wanna hold my hand in those rags. i had a crush on a 3rd grader named brandon coverdale who talked to me one time and i saw stars. he had a brother named corey who was in 5th. he too, was a babe. i guess it's safe to say i knew at an early age what i wanted.

2- i don't remember 2nd grade. at all.

3- i almost got expelled my 3rd grade year. not only was i the most annoying kid, but i was fucking awkward. i was boycrazy at 8, but i was so terrified of boys. i'm pretty sure i had a crush on most of my 3rd grade class except for andrew yazno. he was gross and super russian. i did also have a crush on a 5th grader named ben kogel. he ran for school president. i voted. if i could compare him to anyone (at that time), it would most definitely have been devon sawa. swoonz.

4- my best friend rachel and i hung out with this kid named tyler compato. he was in the 6th grade and smoked cigarettes so that automatically made him cool and badass and foreign to me because the thought of a 12 year old with braces smoking cigarettes was preposterous. i think he might have asked me to see my boobs at one point, but i was a AA so i said no. plus i was afraid of boys. he ended up being rachel's boyfriend.

5- i went to a catholic school. why? i have no idea, i'm jewish. tom patternoster was my main squeeze this year. laugh at me all you want, i know this dude is a total fucking homo now. that's fine, because i'm pretty sure he threw a handball at me.

6- still in my catholic school, but this year i got rebellious. i told everyone to fuck off. still the most obnoxious 11 year old you ever met (ok, i'm young. my birthday is in august) this year, i had a crush on ben cox (which i'm 99% sure someone on my friends list whos reading this probably knows him...) and leo rodriguez. this is where my pattern of blonde haired blue eyed dudes starts. this is also the begining of my latin fever. leo was really nice to me, but ben was not. ben knew he was hot shit. he also liked smashing pumpkins alot, so i liked them too.

7- oh boy. love of my life, eddie simmett. this was the first year of my life that i ever even hugged a boy. eddie is my angel. he made me a tape of dead kennedy's "give me convenience..." and thus changed my world. we hung out every day and skateboarded and listened to blink 182 together. we got held up at gunpoint on halloween for pumpkin bowling, and then he moved away. i saw him a few years ago at a locust show, but he's not the same. eddie, come back to me.....

8- hahaha this year is so fucking laughable. this is the year that i got "popular", and all the boys loved me. they did a survey on who had the best assets, and i won it by a point. brandon rodriguez was my boyfriend. we never kissed. we just held hands and he walked me home from school. it lasted 2 weeks and then he moved onto my best friend nicole tavdi.

9- i wish i could erase this entire year. 2001 sucked. i had my first REAL boyfriend. nate siggard. he was in a pop punk band called private selection. he was mormon and had very very deep seeded issues. he was a fucking pussy and would cry about everything and he loved to put me down. we dated for 4 months and he was my first kiss (which happened on october 11th, 2001 while american woman by lenny kravitz was on mtv). all he wanted to do was eat my vajay. i guess i was ok with that though. he made me break edge by smoking weed and he liked incubus alot. literally he said "you're too uptight. your edge, or me." of course, him. and he dumped me that night. LOL.

10- i got really into pills and shitty coked out dudes when i was 15 for some reason. me and cortney twomey hung out with dudes named fish and ilya. i was a fucking mess, and totally crazy about some dude named josh puklavitz who was the singer of a band called the christpunchers. he was 17 and had a 32 year old girlfriend. i made sure to let him know everytime i talked to him that his girlfriend was old enough to be his mom. he didn't like that very much. later on, i got a crush on a dude named jimmy who was in the same band as josh. jimmy was just fucking awkward all around and once he found out i had a crush on him, he didn't look me in the eyes.

11- shane from north carolina. some might know him, some might not. broke veganism on a snickers bar he bought at 7-11 in tarzana. wild times. next!

12- i lost my virginity to matt good. he was my boyfriend, and he is not in a very good band. we dated for 7 months and i got free trips to georgia and florida. while he was on warped tour, he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. i was more devistated because i love his mom and sister. he is a rockstar prick. fuck him.

and there you have it.


lizmatic said...

Wow.boyz will be boyz.
I am sure ill have a crazy list like that.

Anonymous said...

ha ha. christpunchers! i remember them.

Felicia said...

I had my first crush in Pre-K, then again in Kindergarten. I kissed some kid by a water fountain in 1st grade. I had a dryspell from 2nd grade-9th grade. First REAL kiss/boyfriend 10th grade. dryspell 11th grade. 12th grade creeped around with some dude for a bit---------eventually went to prom with a gay friend because I was on prom court and I NEEDED a date---so homeboy pulled through. I saw his facebook recently, he lost weight and is totally fabulousss now.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
little bird said...

I randomly googled my name and found this. Love it.