Mary Jo Buttafuoco's New Life
My parents rule.
Dear Encino Man,
You are a disgrace. You are everything that anyone could ever hate in a person. First of all, you look like the Geico Caveman so stop thinking you're a hotty boombalottie. Its a wonder you even get laid, your personality is that of a dead snail. You're a rich kid with a big mouth and a little back bone. You made fun of me in high school too but it's really funny now to see you at h2o shows and talking about how you love Verse. Guess what, you're a bandwagon jumper and I want you to disappear too. I can't wait for the next wave of cool to ride through so you can hop on your trendboard and surf that wave. It's really great that you talk shit on message boards about hardworking local bands but you'll never show your face at a local show you big fucking vagine. Remember when you got your brand new BMW and you drove it to the Calabasas Teen Center and you came out and your Drive-Thru Mobile had gum under the door handles? Yeah, I'm responsible for that. Keep looking like a coward, I hear that's cool this year.
Dear All Girls Looking To Be My Friend So They Can Fuck My Dudefriends,
Keep it up. It keeps my dudes happy. Just don't expect me to be a good secret keeper, or to hang out with me that much cause I already know what you're all about. I definitely don't wanna hear you vent or complain about anyone either. Also, the best advice I can give you is send n00dz.