Wednesday, October 29, 2008

why interoffice relations fail to work.

Office life is very dull, I do understand this. But while its dull, its just as incestual as the hardcore scene. Or maybe that's just my office.
I have heard about fistfights over girls in my office. I think that's really funny. Why would you take part in inter office relations anyway? I guess if life is dull, you can always flirt via e-mail.

There is one fellow in particular who thought itd be a great idea to attempt this with me.
On sundays, he would approach me awkwardly in the breakroom. His short pants hitting his ankles while he walked into the room, making a silly slapping sound. His 1998 faded black sideout shirt was an extra nice touch. Do they even still make sideout? Where would one aquire such a marvelous piece of clothing brand new?
He looked no older than 12, but his age was 21. He was from Kentucky, and wore a wedding ring on his finger.
If you're married.....act married. Please for the love of fucking god.
Anyway, his favorite topic of conversation with me was always baked goods. Challenging me to inter office baking contests while sheepishly smiling like the choir boy he portrayed himself to be. Of course, I like to satisfy peoples' wants by telling them what they want to hear when I don't want to be bothered, so I obliged while typing on my sidekick to someones away message, attempting to look occupied.
This went on for a couple of weeks, and then he e-mailed me about an expensive gourmet cake, and some pizza. I got the inkling he liked his women fat, so I just worked out harder. This fucker really was starting to chap my hide. I eventually started to ignore him.
One day, he let me know that his favorite type of music was German techno. I may listen to that in my spare time with the techno twins Schloz and Deter, but that does not mean I partake in German techno activities on a regular basis. I decided this fucker needed to get lost once and for all.

I just got stuck in the elevator with him, once again awkwardly pretending to talk to someone on my sidekick. I heard yesterday he told someone in the office that he hasn't gotten a vaccine since the 3rd grade. Ilegal? Yes. But I wouldn't put anything past a Kentucky asscreep.


Valley Girl Intelligentsia said...

Oh god! That sounds awful!

wickedpissah said...

pfft. get over it. you're gonna have a real life inter-office relationship come monday.