Sunday, February 8, 2009

martine tells it like it is.

long time no blog. no news is good news, i guess. i remember a time when i needed my own reality show because everything seemed so....unreal. but my female counterpart moved 5 hours away, and the declining economy has made me not want to leave my house very much. but i guess i'm still just as shitty and angry at everything.


there's a tv show thats airs on weekday mornings at 11am called "The Mike and Juliette Morning Show", and i fucking hate it with every ounce of my being. and i'll tell you what, hating something that much is really very exhausting.

it's a show made for women who feel sorry for themselves, with such topics as "how to find love in 90 days", "how do i know if he's cheating on me?" and "why don't men like it when a woman approaches them?", and then a panel of d-list celebs and columnists dissect the topic and spount off shitty reasons for things and sugarcoated answers that make the truth easier to swallow.

i'm all for womens empowerment, but lets be realistic here. wouldn't it be more productive to, say, maybe ride a bike rather than watch this garbage? the women watching this show are more than likely obese anyway. newsflash to ladies looking for love: if you don't feel like a fat self depreciating slob, someone might love you and want to fuck you rather than get caught up in an internet porn addiction while using you for everything you're worth. i know i don't even want to be around my friends when they say "oh, i feel so fat and bloated this week" for six days. why would any self respecting male? and more importantly, why would any self respecting female let ANYONE mooch off of them if they're not at least getting laid?

Thankfully, i did read somewhere that Mike and Juliette has been cancelled, and will stop airing in April. If there is a god, i would like to thank him. if you feel so inclined and you're home sick from work, peep this show and gag at how awful it is. you'll understand.


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large companies in the corporate world offer sick days to their employees so that they can call out sick if they have, say, pneumonia. i know if i have pneumonia, i am not leaving my bed for anything. (okay, maybe if dairy wasn't bad for eliminating phlegm production, i might leave my bed for a mint brownie blizzard from DQ. do they even make those? they should.)
so, if you have a cough for 2+ weeks, what would compell you to go to work and NOT GO TO THE DOCTOR?

as a child, i had chronic bronchitis, and i am well aware that if i do not go to the doctor and rest at least for a day or two and continue on with my daily activities, i have the possibility of developing pneumonia. and then, i could die. no amount of money in this world is worth dying for, i'm sorry. what good is money when you're dead anyway? in heaven (which is where i would obviously go because i am such a believer), i could have all the pupppies and brownie sundaes i want for free anyway.

there is a woman who i am employed with who uses all of her paid time off (i'm sure sick days are included) to go do surveys and gets paid for doing them, but she's been coughing for almost 3 weeks now. the other day, i asked her if she had gone to the doctor, and her answer was no.
NO? REALLY? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO THROW UP EVERYTIME YOU COUGH. ARE YOU COMFORTABLE? IS YOUR LIFE PRODUCTIVE WHEN YOU'RE WHEEZING EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY? ARE YOU EVEN A HUMAN?
i went to management and explained my disgust for this evil cough and her lack of manners (aka not covering her mouth while she coughs) and how i wash my hands 15 times a day and my skin is raw from the disgusting drying soap in the restroom etc etc. you know what they said?

"wear a mask."

oh, okay.

knock on wood, cross your fingers, cast a voodoo spell, throw salt over your shoulder turn around in a circle and say a prayer....anything to help prevent me from getting that tumbolis. because so help me god, if i develop that cough, i'm going to come to work sick, and i WILL throw up on her desk. and i will go home and sleep and feel really good about it.

2 comments:

likeavalleygirl said...

I am so so so so so happy you're back! Yeah, the Mike and Juliet show is pretty damn awful. I think the best thing they ever had was spaghetti cat. Go to You Tube and look up "Spaghetti Cat" - it is worth it.

Self-help topics like that only serve to perpetuate insecurity because they always place the blame on women. They're doing something wrong. They're not doing enough of this. They should look like that. Instead of telling them to fuck everything and do whatever the hell they want.

Or, to do yoga. Yoga kicks fucking ass. You should consider doing yoga with me. It's by donation. It is awesome.

Get a facebook.

Valley Girl Intelligentsia said...

Martine - I misses you.

<3 Haley.