BRB, CHILLING ON AN ICEBERG.

yesterday morning i woke up at 8:30am with a stuffy nose and one goal in mind: to get my back as tan as my stomach.
naturally i'm porcelain white. transparent. totally see-thru. but the sun and the so cal weather + my genes have been pretty kind to me lately, and now i'm a nice cafe au late. i can't complain.

i drove into the valley to pick up essa and jayme from the chateau, and emily had just woken up and was getting ready.i reminded everyone to bring sunscreen even though it was going to be overcast. we got in my car and drove through death canyon aka topanga canyon listening to kid dynamite and laughing about things that hardcore girls laugh about when they are in a group.

when we got through the canyon, it was disgustingly overcast and cold, so we made a pitstop at subway for $5.00 footlongs aka 6" sandwiches on weird bread. while eating, i noticed a store called "millionaire mutts" right next door, so we decided after we were done eating, we'd go in there to see if they had puppies. and they did. cute fat little baby bulldogs. a frenchie and an old english. the old english waved at me, and we contemplated taking the puppies and running.

finally we arrived at glorious zuma 7, and the fun began.

i ran out of SPF4, so i put SPF15 on the ditches of my knees and thought nothing of it. everyone else was busy applying their SPF15 or 50. i was almost confident i wouldn't get that burnt since i'm already tan. we laid in the sand and listened to the same french song on a loop, until we went to get ice cream from FOOD and emily asked the guy (who was nice to only me because of my tattoos) if he had any "bob marley music".
we saw dolphins, lurked on people and discussed blackout moments from posi numbers, sound and fury and other random shows and made fun of essa's english. we were all convinced we had not gotten any color, but kept asking each other if we were red. finally, it was getting cold, so we asked a couple of boys who were sitting in front of us if they could take some photos.

i gave the kid sitting in the background some lessons on being a creep because as you can see, he clearly doesn't know how to be "that guy" in the background of pictures. you can also see FOOD in that picture.

we packed up and left zuma 7, and stopped for gas.$8.00 bought me two gallons. talk about rape! when i got out to get gas, everyone gasped in horror. "OH MY GOD, YOUR LEGS ARE BRIGHT RED!" and then i felt it. I got back in the car, and we drove home listening to lots of slipknot and korn. i am very comfortable with myself.

when we got back to the chateau, we actually examined our sunburns. we all look like we are wearing diapers. imagine if someone slapped you in the same spot underneath your butt with a pingpong paddle for 5 hours and thats what this feels like. i'm more than positive i won't be wearing pants or attending any beach or daytime pool parties for the next two weeks.




in this picture, you can see where i ran out of SPF. there's an actual splatter mark. also, i know that i am not the skinniest person alive, and this is not the best face i have ever made. yeah yeah, crack kills.

i went home and procrastinated showering for at least 2 hours because i knew how painful it would be. i ended up taking a luke warm bath which was okay, and then i applied this aloe spray we have in my household. aloe spray is working wonders. it's an instant fix and it feels incredible when spraying it on. my only qualm is that it is a little sticky.
i went to dinner with my grandma and then hung out with luis and hector. by this time, i was feeling not so great. i came home, popped some benedry allergy, applied more aloe spray, and went to bed propped up on 2 pillows.

this morning i woke up feeling extra crispy, and decided i'm not doing anything today because i look like this:

at least that gnarly sunburn will turn into a bodacious tan. and then i will have to even out my stomach and chest to match. no thanks.