Friday, May 30, 2008

Real Talk: Creepy Dudes

I really suck at dudes. I'm also a very nice person, and I don't like to say no (to certain things). This poses a problem.

For those of you Tiggles blog readers who don't know, I work in a mall skate shop. Its a fun atmosphere and I like almost everyone I work with (sans the n00b who thinks that minor threat and bad brains didn't influence one single band in current music...we'll save him for another blog.) For the most part, our customers are largely males (no duh) thus making my end of the job fairly easy. All I have to do is take off my hoodie to expose my tattoos, smile, give my opinion on whatever-it-is, and we're good to go. But sometimes, the sale will end with this:

"oh, so uhm, you forgot to give me your phone number..."

Instantly, I'm put on the spot. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that? With a boldfaced lie? Sure, I could tell the dude I'm married. Or have a boyfriend. But I'm sure the look on my face will give it away that I am lying through my teeth. I am a horrible liar. So I end up giving them my fucking cell phone number, only to have them text me 10 minutes later with things like "Thank you for taking so long to ring me up. I couldn't help but stare at your beautiful face."

wap wap wap....HOW. CHEESY. IS. THAT. I only took so long because our registers are ancient. I'm also new and have no fucking clue how to use them so don't flatter yourself muchacho.

Now, I won't call or text this person ever. They can call and text and leave messages all they want, but it's more than likely never going to happen. For the past 2 weeks, I've been getting texts (including the one above) and phone calls from some dude I met last week who I'm sure is a really nice, fun guy, but I have ZERO interest in him or any other dude right now. (If you only knew the drama that has unfolded in my life over the past 6 months...) Also, I am probably 2 inches taller than him and I love to wear 4" heels so he's out by default. I won't compromise my amazonian tendencies for anyone.

Anyway, I got word that two days ago, he came into my work LOOKING FOR ME. come the fuck on. If I have not returned your texts or phone calls, something should be telling you that I don't want to hang out with you. Why do guys do this? Why must you come into my place of employment and look for me? This makes me mad. I feel like I'm trying to break up with a creepy obsessive boyfriend. Dudes need to also learn that if they want a girl to hang out with them, it's probably not the best idea to continuously attempt to get in contact with them. The same night the dude came into my work, HE CALLED ME. AGAIN. WHY.

which brings me to my next dude-qualm...

By birthing default, I'm Jewish. I wasn't raised Jewish, but my grandmothers certainly were, and they know how to lay the Jewish Guilt on like no one's bizz. So much so, that I've basically become immune to it. So tell me why anytime I do something a dude doesn't like, he has to make sure to try to make me feel guilty? I'm not your girlfriend. I'm not your sister. I'm not your mama. There is no reason why I need a 3 page text from anyone on this planet (maybe uranus..lololz) telling me why I'm an asshole and a bad person for not hanging out last week/not going to their show/not walking their dog/not buying you a milkshake/not traveling to mars/etc...I am just trying to life my life for myself BY MYSELF and I am still plagued by guilt soaked conversations from people with penises. I thought I was supposed to be the one giving guilt trips? I'm the one with a vagina here. There is no sand in mine, so maybe you should take a shower to rinse it out of your mangina. And believe me, I will not hesitate to set you straight. I lived with it for a year and walked away from it scott (or danny) free, and it doesn't take much to place someone on the "do not answer" list in my phone.

So, dudefriends, please refrain from being a pesky ex-non-boyfriend. I enjoy hanging out but one day I'm going to throw my sidekick at a wall, and when it breaks, I will make the person who sent that text message/called me one too many times buy me a BB Curve. and then I will block their number.

EVERYONE GO TO THIS TONIGHT! I modified the flyer for everyone who was too lazy to do so. I feel that my flyer is better than the original:


whereshegoes said...

hahaha oh noo. happened to me at Zumiez all the time. it's SO awkward and creepy, especially when they come in looking for you. ask Gary for the "fake number" or whatever they call it behind the counter. it's like some sort of rejection hotline to give out instead of your cell haha.

Haley said...

I fucking love you.

Dave said...

haha its your own damn fault for having a contest to see how many you can get!

rachel said...

baby girl, you are fab.

tiggles said...

dear dave,
getting numbers doesn't mean i have to call. giving someone MY number doesn't mean he has to call me 600 times.